LETTERS

A couple months ago I started another blog.

I didn't plan on posting the update links like I do for this one. I still don't. It's not a secret or anything. There's a tab titled "Letters to Baby C" at the top of my blog that leads you directly to it (on the web version of my page) for those who care to keep up with it after this post.

The blog is exactly what it sounds like. A simple page. Nothing more than letters.To my future child. Letters I will continue writing throughout their life. I talk in the first letter about my apprehension of starting this blog now and why I decided to go ahead and do it. 

Like I said, I didn't and still don't plan on posting update links for this one. However, for some reason I feel lead to post today's letter. For whatever reason that might be... HERE IT IS

RESENTMENT, LOVE, AND FORGIVENESS

I started my day almost in tears. Of anger. I have an unjustifiable resentment/anger for someone who isn't even really in my life. The more the situation is mentioned, the more it builds. Just a friend request and message set it off this morning. If you know me, you know that I pretty much love everyone. I've been told I'm too forgiving (no such thing by the way) and I don't really hold on to a grudge. It takes a lot to cause any sort of resentment in me. I shook my head at myself this morning, chastising myself for having such a strange and weird reaction. And this person hasn't even done anything to me personally. But then it hit me....

It hit me that I feel this way because of a similar situation I experienced. I guess I need to back up a little and explain. Here's the watered-down short version...

The first 9 years of my life consisted of a lot of instability, abuse, and many other grown up things that children shouldn't be aware of. **I don't say this for pity. In fact, I have a hard time mentioning it in fear of that. I am fully aware that my situation could have been so much worse and there are so many children that never escape. I am forever thankful for God's hand in my life and His provision and guidance in bringing me out of that.** I was born to addict parents who were in and out of jail, and eventually prison. Basically, they were not able to care and provide for 3 children the way they needed to be.  

When I was 9 years old, I went to live with a new family. 5 years later I would be officially adopted. There was a time in those years that I was returned to live with my biological mother again. I don't know how long I was with her before she made the decision to send me back to my family. It was the single best thing she has ever done for me. I still respect her for that decision. It was the only memory I had of her truly doing something for ME. However, even though I respected that decision and absolutely wanted nothing more than to live with my new family forever, I resented her. Simply because I was old enough to understand that this was happening because there was something in her life more important than me. Drugs, partying, etc. My sisters and I were not enough to make her stop. I resented her because I was old enough to understand that I had experienced things I shouldn't have had to. I was old enough to KNOW. 

That is not the end of the story, thank God. I no longer feel that way. God has given me the ability to forgive and let go of that resentment and establish a friendship. Hopefully one day I will be brave enough to share the entire story. My testimony. That is not the point of today's post. When I think about WHY I feel so inexplicably angry and resentful towards this person, I know it's because it reminds me of that. And it hurts me even more to see children I love face the same thing. You see, my oldest sister is adopting 2 precious little kids. Their biological mother is the "person" I have been talking about. The whole process began with my sister trying to help her. Taking her kids and caring for them while she did some stuff she needed to do to get her life in a place she could be the best for her children. In this time, she has had another baby boy. Which another sister of mine is fostering until it is decided if the mother is doing what she needs to do to care for him or if he will be placed for adoption. Long story short, she has proven over and over again that she is not doing the things she's supposed to. I KNOW what it's like to be the child in that situation. To feel like you are not important enough. To be old enough to realize that when your mom disappears for a few months it's not because of anything good. It kills me that these precious babies have the chance to feel that too. I know that all I can do is be there to love them and show them exactly the opposite, just like my family did for me. I wish I could talk sense into her. That I could tell her from the kids perspective how her choices affect them. I wish I could tell her that adoption- that letting them go and working on getting herself clean- is the best thing she can do for them. That THAT is the decision they will look back on and respect.

Today, as I arrived to work and had our morning prayer meeting, my boss gave us a little devotion about how our responsibility as Christians is to love people. Love. Ironic? Nope.

BABY BUSINESS

I've had several people ask me about the doctor's appointment and I know even more people praying for us, so I wanted to give y'all an update on where we're at (I'm getting much better about talking about it =)). First, thank you all so much for praying for us and for the words of encouragement I've received from so many of you. As hard as it was to talk about all of this initially and the feelings of embarrassment I felt, it truly has helped knowing there are so many other people who have felt the same way and to see the different stages other people in this situation are at. Makes it less scary.

So, I finally had my first appointment yesterday. I say first because there are already 3 more on the calendar! It's going to be a process and a few months before I have any real answers, but I am already feeling much more optimistic just to have a definite plan now and have the process started. 

At my appointment, my doctor checked my cervix and took my blood for lab work. My cervix is good and I will get the results from my lab work next week. I am going in next week to have a sonogram of my ovaries to make sure there isn't any abnormalities there. 

What I learned yesterday was I have an almost-abnormal cycle. No surprise there. An normal cycle is 28-35 days. Mine is on average 34 days with several cycles skipped altogether. This may be causing me not to ovulate at all. Which is as easy a fix as taking a pill every day. So before anything my doctor wants to find out when and if I am ovulating every month. A large part of the problem is what I was using to track ovulation times before was based on an average cycle. [[ I feel really stupid for not realizing this! I can't help but wonder if we'd have a baby right now if I had. Especially if that ends up being the only problem. ]] So for the next couple months, I will be taking ovulation tests and tracking everything the old-fashioned way- on an actual paper calendar. =P Then I have a follow up appointment in January to go over that info and come up with a plan based on that and the results from the other tests. 

Also, my doctor told me to start taking Similac prenatal vitamins. Similac specifically. I already had some prenatals (that I never even started taking) but I got the Similac ones anyway. Doctor knows best. =)

And that's where we are now concerning Baby C. Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them so much. 

WOW...WHAT A WEEKEND!

To be honest, I was dreading this last weekend all week long. I gave myself a lot of pep talks trying to talk myself into being ready. There were plans for each day of the weekend and the funny thing is... they were all FUN plans. Nothing I should dread at all. But most of you know (and I've posted here a couple years ago) I have a severe case of homebody-itis. Especially when special monthly hormones just tell me to sleep. 

But, as always, it was worth fighting myself. This weekend was so much fun! The most social weekend I've had in a very long time. Here's the recap:

Friday: One of our friends from our LifeGroup threw a birthday party for his wife at their house. It was great getting to know them a little more outside of our LifeGroup setting.

Saturday: In the AM, Chris's work had a family day where they opened up the warehouse and cooked out. You could tour the warehouse and see how they put together the locomotives and there was bounce houses and activity booths for the kids. It was nice getting to meet his work friends and finally put a face to the names. In the PM, my sister-in-law, Erica, had her 80's themed birthday bash! It was fun getting dressed up (my husband even let me poof his hair and give him a mullet!) and having a good time with family. There was a lot of photo booth fun as well...

Sunday: Church in the AM and then Chris's dad and step-mom came over to watch the Cowboys game.

AND my lazy homebody tendencies were even appeased this weekend since I was off work yesterday (Monday) and got to lay in bed all day reading. All in all, a pretty great weekend.

How about you guys? Did y'all do anything fun this weekend?

2 WEEKS AGO

I have picked up my computer to write a post several times the last couple weeks only to keep putting it off. This time not because I didn't know what to write about but because I knew exactly what I needed to write- exactly what I needed to get out.

It's been a rough, emotional couple weeks. Two weeks ago, for the first time in probably a year, I needed to take a pregnancy test. Two weeks ago, the words "not pregnant" caused my heart to break a little. And a little more the week after that.

I promise, 98% of the time I deal really well with the fact that we aren't getting pregnant. I don't know if it's the fact that 13 *I think that was the last count* different acquaintances/friends have recently announced their pregnancy. (That's not an exaggeration. Baby Boom 2015 y'all.) Or the fact that it was the first time I even needed to take a test in a long time. But for whatever reason, it hit me really hard. I didn't try and get my hopes up- in fact I had a ton of other logical excuses for what else it could be- but it still didn't stop the tears from falling. Luckily, I have an amazing, supportive husband who is there every step of the way.

So, today I have officially taken the first step to finding out what is preventing us from conceiving. I made a doctor appointment to be examined. And I'm terrified. I guess that's why it has taken so long for me to actually do it. There's always been some reason to put it off. And as much as I look forward to at least just finally having an answer and being able to move from there in the right direction...it also makes it so much more real. Something could be wrong with me.

I have a few weeks until the appointment, but if you think of me, I wouldn't mind the prayers. 

NEW (SCHOOL) YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

Happy Labor Day! Or as I like to think of it...the last day of long nights and sleeping in. Yep, his is the last official day of summer break. The first day of the school year is tomorrow! I love that we start after Labor Day so that my last day gets to be a full day off with my husband.Yay for lots of Hubby Quality Time!  

Meet the Teacher Friday night was awesome. I am getting a few boys who were in my very first class I taught in Kindergarten which is always fun. And the rest of my boys and parents seemed just as excited as me about this school year. Awesome parents are always the biggest blessing for a teacher and it looks like I got a class full! I also have a class of BOYS this year! As in, literally ZERO girls! Which made me even more excited to introduce my new theme this year....

My classroom got a SUPERHERO makeover! I have been excited since the end of last school year about this. Superheroes is what I would have originally done when I began teaching 3 years ago, but since I found out pretty last minute, I had to go with what I could easily find at the teacher store (though I will miss all my pretty owls I've been given over the years, all packed up safe and sound for future use). 

Since the summer moved way faster and ended up being way busier than anticipated, I didn't get to make some of the stuff I wanted to and wasn't sure how it was all going to turn out. But I'm pretty happy with it! Scratch that...I kinda LOVE it! 

The boys seemed pretty excited about it so that's really what it's all about. I love when my kids are excited about their class and about coming to school. So this brings me to the next point...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am NOT a morning person. Like in any sense. At all. My summer schedule pretty much consists of going to bed around 2-4am and waking up around 10-11am. That is my natural sleep cycle. Natural in the sense that that is just what it is when there is no reason for me to regulate it, i.e. work. (*making myself go to bed at a decent hour tonight is going to be interesting*) And when I am working, and therefore do have to mold myself to "normal" standards, I have always been one to set my alarm for the very last possible second I need to get up. Wake up, get ready, go to work. No extras. No time for surprises. WELL....not this year!

  I have a New (school) Year's Resolution... 

This year I am not going to take advantage of the fact that I now live about 3 minutes away from my job. I am not going to take advantage of the fact that I no longer need to leave earlier to pick my niece up for school. I am not going to take advantage of that extra 30 minutes or so and set my alarm accordingly. No, this year I am going to become a (semi) morning person! I am going to use that extra time to have a cup of coffee, sit at my kitchen table in front of my new pretty bay windows, and I'm going to spend time with God doing my bible study. That is my goal.

People always say how important it is to wake up and start your day with God, but I have always argued that my time was better spent at night when I am more awake and alert, since I am after all, NOT a morning person. Admittedly though, I have found it hard the last few months to stay faithful to bible study, with life getting so crazy that when I am finally done for the night I just want me time. Selfish I know. That has to change. I have to change it. Obviously, since I am NOT... (say it with me) a morning person, nothing is ever planned for the morning times except sleeping. And on occasion, more sleep. So there is no excuse, nothing "more important" (I know nothing is actually more important than God's word) to do, nothing to distract me, and hopefully no snooze button to be hit.

I am actually pretty excited about having the time for my coffee and to get into this new study over the book of John that we just began in our LifeGroup.

The journey to becoming a morning person (or at least a semi one) starts tomorrow! 

SO LONG SUMMER

Wow. It's been almost 4 months since my last post. And what a busy 4 months it's been!

The school year ended...

We went on a family vacation to Branson, Missouri...

Sisters (that's Robert Downey Jr and King King photobombing)

Grand Village Shopping

My beautiful niece and I at Silver Dollar City

Mom and Dad

I went to Florida for a teacher seminar at Pensacola Christian College...

Pesacola Beach

(in lesser news) I did a lot of hair and changed my own hair- bye bye Red!

and (in much bigger news) we got a house!

To see the inside, check out my video here!

Once July hit everything has basically been non stop. Everything happened so fast that now I find myself sitting here wondering how on earth it's possible the summer is already over?Yesterday was actually my first day back to work...I completely failed at my goal to blog more over the summer. I have found I actually do much better at most things when I am in my normal routine. Including, unfortunately the gym. And 2 week long trips followed by 2 solid weeks of working at the new house each night until 10pm or later has meant a lot of not so healthy meal choices. I have refused to weigh in again, too scared that I have gained back everything and lost all the progress I had made. It's very disappointing to say the least, but in the end this has been an amazing past 4 months and I have been too blessed to focus on the negatives. I am confident that now that I am getting back in routine with work and we are getting settled into the house, that I can get back on track. 

You may have noticed a few other changes....here in my little piece of the Internet. I have a new name! I've been wanting something for awhile now that at least gave some sort of first impression of what my blog was about. And since generally it is just me sharing my life with you- "A Cup of T...(iffany)" was born. That does mean that my web address has changed. So if you have me added to your blog list, you may need to change it.

Thanks for reading and caring. =)

HAPPY NEWS

Before anything else, I have to say I am completely blown away by the response to my last post. I usually average about 40-50 views per post but that one is up to 239! To think that that many people have read something I had such a hard time admitting publicly scared me to death initially. It has been weird to have people approach me about it and to remember that people know now and I can talk about it. But more than any anxiety or weirdness or awkwardness, I have felt overwhelmingly encouraged by the outpouring of texts, comments, and messages declaring their love, support, and prayers. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough, but thank you. Y'all will never know what it's meant to me.

Happy news! Chris started a new job with GE on Monday. He gets to sleep a little later and gets home earlier. It's been nice having a little more time with him at night. So far it seems like it will be an amazing company for him to work for. Better hours, way better benefits, and less of a drive. Happy husband, happy me. 

I have been getting discouraged lately as far as weight loss. I know it slows down after the initial bulk but I have been stuck on -15lbs for a few weeks now. I get irritated that I have let myself have a cheat day every week and then irritated that that irritates me because I don't want to be too obsessive about it. I just feel better when I only cheat every few weeks or so. A sugar craving has been hitting me hard the last few weeks too. Not as in candy and chocolate or anything but more so with wanting coffee and it not being good enough with just almond milk. I just want some sugar in it! I never want to lose the motivation to keep going and continue this healthier lifestyle. It isn't only about losing weight but just being healthier in general. When I feel discouraged I try to focus on where I started and see how far I've come in the last few months instead. Sunday was Easter. After taking pics with my husband and looking at last year's Easter pics, I was excited to see that I could actually tell a difference in the both of us and that kicked all the discouragement to the curb.

Easter 2013                                             Easter 2014

Another exciting thing about Chris's job is that with the money we are going to save on our insurance every month we should be able to finally get the gym memberships we've been wanting forever! I have missed running so much and can't wait to lace up my Brooks again. I am so ready to add this needed aspect into our new healthier lives.

PS- I've been working on the tabs at the top of the page. Click on them and check it out. 

THE POST I DIDN'T WANT TO POST

I've noticed that I do not blog about very personal things. Not really. Not the raw, real stuff. It's funny because writing has always been the way I deal. However, where I have a hard time is putting it out there for others to see. I always kept a journal but there was always a fear of someone reading it to hold me back a little. Not because I have something awful to hide, not because I want my life to seem perfect and care-free... I can't really pinpoint why. Maybe fear of judgement? Maybe it seems to personal? Maybe inappropriate to be so open? But then I think...that's life. I know how much it sucks to look around you and it seem like everyone else is so strong. I also know how refreshing it is when someone is so completely honest about something that you feel finally like you aren't the only one. And ultimately that is what I want writing- what I want this blog- to be. A place where I can find refuge, as I always have, in writing. But also a place others can be encouraged. So I've been urging myself to write about things whenever I am upset, sad, discouraged, etc. Not to say I want it to be a raincloud of depression over at Nine in the Afternoon, but basically just to include ALL of life. Good and bad. 

With that being said, the following is something I really, really have not wanted to post about. The urge to write about it here came a few weeks ago but I've pushed it aside. No, it's private. It's personal. And before I can get to the root of why I want need to write today, I guess first you need to know another "secret"...

Chris and I are trying to have a baby.

I know it might seem silly for that to be a "secret" because it's not a big deal. Nothing bad. But mostly I wanted to avoid the question and the disappointment if it didn't happen right away, so this is something we have kept to ourselves. Our parents, our families, our friends have not known. Even now, I hesitate to post this (*edit: so much so that this post has sat in my drafts for a couple days now*) because it feels like opening it up for discussion for the rest of the world. Because for some unknown, weird reason... it makes me feel vulnerable.  And the exact reasons I had for not telling anyone a year and a half ago when we first started trying are becoming more of a reality- even if only in my head. If you caught that, we started trying almost a year and a half ago. It's gone in phases- starting with just not preventing and the "if it happens, it happens" mentality. After a few months, that turned into actually tracking cycles. And now we've been everywhere from ovulation tests to trying not to think about it at all. 

I was insanely naive to think that it was very simple: sex without protection = baby. I mean, isn't that exactly what's engrained in our heads as soon as we hit puberty?? Don't I know a million and two people who have "accidentally" gotten pregnant?? Then after the months continued and I began to research (i.e. google search) I began to realize how much a miracle conceiving really is. There is this very small 24 hour window out of the entire month that you have to try and pinpoint for even the possibility of it working. How does anyone ever have a baby?!? 

So here's the real: I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like I have bad karma for all the years I said I never wanted to have kids. I feel like I am being punished for all the mistakes I made in my life. The more I read that after a year you should worry about infertility, I feel broken. The more and more common place infertility seems to be around me, I feel scared.

I remind myself every time I feel down how much I enjoy my time. I love the freedom of non-parent life and the ability to do things on a whim. I love this time I have with my husband without children most of all. I remind myself to just focus on enjoying this time we have together because once it's gone, it's gone. And most days, I do exactly that. I do not, by any means, want to imply that I walk around sad and morose about this all the time. Any of you who know me, know thats not true anyway. Nor do i want to imply that it hurts in the slightest to see so many of my friends pregnant or am bitter about it. I am beyond excited for each pregnant women I see and beautiful new baby I see. Least of all did I want to post this for pity. It's just been a rough week and I needed to write it out, sort my thoughts,and who knows? Maybe some one who reads this is going through the same thing and knows they aren't alone. I know that God has a plan and that I have to trust and rely on Him. I do. But I also know that it doesn't mean I won't struggle.

RAMBLING ABOUT BOOKS AND MOVIES

Saturday night, we went to the Drive-in. Opening Coyote Drive-In last summer was one of the best things Fort Worth has ever done. It's one of my favorite places to go. Even if you aren't into movies as much as my husband and I are, I still encourage you to check it out. They have a big covered sitting area and Canteen that's perfect for hanging out with friends during nice weather. Saturday they had little fire pits spread around for those not so nice weather days. They usually have live music and lawn games to entertain yourself while everyone waits for the sun to go down. This winter they even opened an outdoor ice skating rink! All that and your choice of TWO movies (they have 3 different paired options) for $8! I don't even get paid to promote them...I just love it that much. So, seriously, you should go some time.

As I was saying, we went to the drive-in Saturday night and saw this little movie called "Divergent". And "300:Rise of an Empire".

Divergent was awesome. As a non-reader of the books, all of it was new to me and I was very intrigued by the whole Faction system and thought Tris's character believably developed through the course of the movie. I am definitely excited about the future movies and consider myself already a big fan of the series. However, I did feel like there was a lot more information I needed, that is probably in the books and didn't come across as well on screen, such as a more in depth look into the system and each faction, and also the love story. I feel like Tris and Four went from "What makes you think you can talk to me?" to "I love you" out of no where. When she uttered those words, I literally thought "What?? I thought it was just getting to the 'we kinda like each other' part of this relationship". It just didn't develop enough for me for what I think they were ultimately supposed to be to each other. I know books create more of those connections because you are inside their heads and know what they are thinking and feeling and that's harder to get across on screen.

So that brings me to this...

Anyone who knows me even remotely knows how much I love to read. Like really passionately LOVE books! There's not too many earthly material things that make me happier than getting a new book. With that being said, I rarely will watch a movie and then choose to read the book. I feel like it ruins the imagination that comes with reading for me. I'm no longer using the words and imagery to make the story in my head, but instead the scenes from the movie. Only twice have I watched a movie and immediately thought "I need to read it". First time with Beautiful Creatures. And now with Divergent. Both times because I felt like I needed more. Honestly, since watching it Saturday I have become a little obsessed- downloading the faction symbols as my phone background, stalking the author on social media, even taking all the little quizzes to see which faction I would be in. So it is no surprise to me that 3 days later I have the entire trilogy set. I can't wait to get started!

Happy Reading my friends!

Oh- PS- my review for 300? I honestly couldn't tell you anything significant about it or even how it ended. That boring.

CHURCH, CAVEMEN, AND CHANGES

Exciting day here in Caramville. Yes, I said it...go with it. 

Sunday is weigh in day. Proud to say, I am down another 2.2 pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 13 pounds, since starting Paleo a month and a half ago. Chris is down 14 pounds! It's just the start and I can't wait to see how much more successful we will be as we continue this lifestyle.

I've had a lot of people asking me about Paleo and exactly what it entails. I am obviously not an expert or any sort of nutritionist to explain the science behind it. I am just a beginner and can only share my experience with it thus far. As well as the research I did before I decided it was for me. I gave a very brief summary of it before and how I connect to it. I found a couple infographics that simplify and describe it pretty well for anyone who is interested in knowing more. Y'all know how I like visual learning. =)

Today is the day we also officially became and were introduced as new members of Eagle's view Church in Saginaw. God led us here almost 3 months ago and we already feel so much a part of the family. We have made so many connections and met so many great people. We feel so blessed to have found such an amazing church home and look forward to what God has in store for the future of EVC.

Next week, we conclude the series "Labels" that we have been doing the last couple 

months. I have learned so much about what the Bible says our identity is Christ is versus what the world may say that you are. If you click on the logo above, it will take you to our website and their is an option under media to listen to the current sermon series. I encourage you to check it out.

Our Wednesday night LifeGroup has been doing a series called "The Reason for God" which is basically a pastor talking with a group of atheists, non-believers, etc as they present their questions/concerns with the Word of God. Not necessarily for the purpose of how to witness to them, but instead it really makes you dig into the Word to understand what you believe and why you believe it. Instead of just taking everything at someone else's word. We also just joined a new Sunday night LifeGroup where we are beginning "The Explicit Gospel". All in all, very excited for the things I have been learning and what I will continue learning.

Lastly, as you may have noticed, I changed the bloggy-blog up again. I think I'm finally satisfied and will be keeping it. For a bit. Let me know what y'all think.

ART JOURNALING AND CUTTING DOWN MY TIME WITH GOD

I'm not sure if I mentioned it here on my blog or not but one of my goals going into this year was to study the Word of God. Not only with the quick daily devotion where I devote a whole 2 minutes to God out of my entire day, but truly STUDYING. I decided to start with Genesis and just work my way through the Bible, chapter by chapter, dissecting as I go and seeing what God had for me to learn. I am not following any sort of "Read your Bible in a Year Plan" or anything because I do not want to feel rushed or that I absolutely had to get "this much" done. No time limits, no skim reading to finish, just God teaching me. So with the excitement that comes with all new goals, I promptly got started on researching different methods of study, bible marking, etc and came up with a system that works for me. I created my own color-coded Bible marking key (to pacify my OCD before making random marks every where and "ruining" my bible in my mind), pulled out my awesome NLT Parallel Study Bible and trusty KJV, and made the goal to do my study at least 3-4 days a week (on top of an actual daily devotion). In addition to the reading and marking, I decided to take notes on each chapter I read, as any good student would do. Because I learn visually and by writing things down, my note taking has morphed into a Bible art journal. I write, I doodle, I color. I am not an artist by any means but I love it! 

The whole process usually ends up taking a couple hours at least, and with that being said, I have not been as faithful to it as I wanted when I excitedly set my goal. In all honesty, I just picked it up a couple days ago for the first time in probably a month. I'm only on Genesis 13 and we are 3 months into the year, to give you an even further idea of how much of a slacker I am. I found myself thinking "If I could find a way to cut down the time, then maybe I could be more consistent". But the more I thought about my "process", (For those of you wondering...I read the chapter in my NLT and then my KJV. I use my coding key to mark my KJV. Then I read the study notes in both bibles for that chapter. Lastly, I do my journaling for my study.) the more I realized there's not one part of that I want to cut out because it all fits into the way I learn and retain. Then another thought slapped me across the face- How SELFISH am I? I easily spend 2 hours reading, watching TV, etc almost every day. But my first thoughts when it came to God's time were "How can I make this take less time?".

As I did a friend's hair this week, I was listening as she talked about dealing with the transition of being a parent to young children to being a parent of adults who no longer need you to "mother" them. She explained how frustrating it can be to only be in the loop of things when your child needs something or even just calling to vent their frustrations and hard times. Not frustrating because she doesn't want to be there for them in that way,(Let's be honest, we all just wanna call Mom when we have a rough day) but because her desire is to be included in all the happy, every day occurrences too. She went on to say how she wanted their time. Not because they stood to gain anything from it or because it felt like an obligation, but simply because they wanted to enjoy time with her. As I thought about the conversation later, I thought about how great a comparison that was to our relationship with our ultimate parent, God. 

God just wants a little of our time. Not only when we are going through a hard time and need his help, not only when we need a favor, not only what we have left over at the end of the day week month- in my case. He wants us to talk to him about the good things. He wants us to spend time with Him, not out of obligation or fulfilling some "Christian duty", but because we WANT to. 

Too many people think "God has the entire population to worry about...He doesn't care about my little day to day things". Wrong. The Bible calls him our Father for a reason. He does care. So instead of thinking of ways to cut down my study time, of getting it "out of the way", I need to enjoy that time with my parent because I love him. Because He loves me more than I could ever fathom. And because I am honored and humbled that He cares a whole lot about spending time with me.

A SEASON OF CHANGE

Wow. So obviously I'm not the best at keeping a blog. So many things I could try to blame that on- lack of anything to write (except I think to myself at least once a week "I should blog that"), too busy, my computer is super slow (it is, but I just got a new one this week!), etc.- but it comes down to one simple thing...Laziness. I simply never want to put in the effort on the nights I am actually home to write a post. Maybe now that I have my fancy, super fast, really cool computer- Shout out to Apple MBA!- I'll be better. No promises. 

Let's play catch up in the life of Tiffany. Here's some of the highlights since last time. 

Sadly, our beloved maltipoo, Oliver, has gone to live with another family. One of those "for the best but still really hard" changes. He really needed to be somewhere he was rarely left alone or at least left with another dog or something because of his severe separation anxiety. There were A LOT of tears (notice the puffy face in this picture taken that day), but he is just with the most perfect family who loves and spoils him rotten and we still get to see updates! 

We have since adopted a cat. Callidora "Callie" Caram is our newest furbaby. She has been quite a change but we just love her. She is a completely defiant little princess who loves attention.

A happy, fun change is I got a new car! Hooray!

Also, after months and months of praying and trying to make sure it was God's plan, we started the journey to look for a new home church. We were soon led to Eagles View Church in Saginaw and have been growing and learning so much through the current "Labels" series. We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know the people through our Newcomers LifeGroup and our Wednesday night LifeGroup.

And lastly (that I can think of), a month ago Chris and I switched to the Paleo lifestyle. If you have no idea what that is, this guy can explain it better than me. But basically, it's eating the way our hunter-gatherer ancestors did pre-agriculturally. For me personally, it connects in the way that everything we need has been provided for us on this earth. For thousands (millions?) of years, our bodies were accustomed to eating from this earth rather than from a factory. It's not a "diet" (Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc) or just about weight loss. It's an overall diet lifestyle that has many health benefits. Anyways, does that mean I'll never have a Braum's hamburger or cheesecake ever again? No. But so far we have really enjoyed it, without feeling deprived, and have been pretty successful. Now I just got to get back into running. Anyone wanna buy me a gym membership? =)

And that's basically where we are now. Changed and still changing. Life has really been in a season of change lately. Not only for myself, but for a lot of those around me. Today, as I was thinking about the things I wanted to pray about, it hit me how all 3 of my older sisters are going through pretty big life changes right now. One is in the process of adopting two precious babies, one has just become a stay-at-home and homeschooling momma, and one is going through a divorce and making the transition to a single mom. So as I prayed for each of them this morning, I was thinking about how life is ever changing. Sometimes these changes are planned, sometimes unplanned. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad. Sometimes God has set us on one path, just to lead us to another. And sometimes we just take a little detour along the way. Regardless of the change or the circumstances behind it, our faith becomes important and must be strong. Change, even when it's good, can still be hard. We just have to remember that God has a plan and is in control. He knows more than we do about the long run and as long as we are seeking Him, He will guide us where we need to be. So I encourage you, if you are also going through a season of change, to hold on to that.