One thing I did not expect was to find so much controversy and debate in my research and preparation- aka the Mommy Wars.
From breastfeeding vs formula and c-section vs epidural vs natural (drug free) birth to the ever hot topic of vaccination vs non-vaccination. Any search on the internet about almost anything baby related will bring up conflicting ideas and views. Which is great for someone like me, who likes to know all my options so that I can make informed decisions.
Unfortunately, where the problem comes in, is how much hate and mommy slamming I've seen people post about the opposing view.
"How could you give your baby formula, breast milk is the only way."
"Women who have a drug-free, natural birth are way more empowered."
"C-sections don't count as giving birth."
"How could you vaccinate your children?? Don't you know about all the harmful chemicals you're injecting them with??"
How could you not vaccinate your child? Don't you know you are putting the rest of our children at risk??"
So much condemnation and criticizing isn't helpful for anyone. I think that for the most part, all women, as mothers, are just trying to do what they think is best for their babies. And for new moms, looking for information, it makes it really hard to ask questions for fear of judgement. What should be a welcoming community where moms can come together to discuss and learn has turned into a "who does it better?" competition.
Here's the way I see it....And these are just my opinions...
Yes, there are many amazing benefits to breastfeeding from health and nutrition to saving money on formula. BUT for some women, breastfeeding isn't an option, whether they are just uncomfortable with it, their milk doesn't come in or come in enough, or they simply just don't want the added responsibility of needing to be constantly available for baby to an even greater extent. As far as vaccinations, there's SO MUCH research that can be done. I don't know nearly enough and don't feel like I ever will. But ultimately it boils down to this to me... there's risk either way. Either there's risk of negative reactions to chemicals when you choose to vaccinate or there's risk of sickness and disease by choosing to not vaccinate. And by far the saddest debate out there, the way you choose (or the choice is made for you) to birth. I've seen the rudest remarks about c-sections in particular and how they "don't count". I've seen the egotistic better-than-you attitude that comes with an all natural birth and how "empowering" it is. I started to feel guilty about the fact that I'd always just assumed I'd have an epidural since that's just the way most people I knew had done it. To this I say- If you are a mom and have given birth in any way, shape, or form then you are amazing and empowered just as much as any mom next to you. Empowering is carrying a child for 10 months (why do they always say 9??) and knowing that this is exactly what your body was made for. And whatever means of delivery, the end result is the same. A beautiful human being that relies on you for the rest of your life. What's more empowering than that?
The point of all of that is just to say that we never know the experiences and situations of anyone else. Your choices, while the best option for you and your baby, are not necessarily the best choice for another mom and her baby. But what we all need is a community being supportive and where we can feel comfortable talking about our experiences.
