First...quite literally. I NEVER wanted to be a mom. From the time I was a young teenager and was able to begin to grasp the huge responsibility it is to be a parent, I said I was never having kids. Not because I've ever not liked kids...I've always loved kids and loved being an aunt. But someone else was always ultimately responsible for them. I had this daunting fear that I would never be able to raise a teenager. What would they be allowed to do? What would they not be allowed to do? How do I walk the line between wanting to protect and shelter them and teaching them to be trustworthy and independent by letting them make their own choices? Yes, these were the thoughts and fears I had about parenting as a teenager. Been an over thinker all my life.
Second...the headline is true for me because I find myself doing the things I said I'd NEVER do as a parent...before I actually WAS a parent. I said I wouldn't hold my baby all the time or they'd be spoiled. I thought "crying it out" is how all babies learned to go to sleep. I'd never breastfeed past the age of 1. Etcetera, Etcetera. But I hold my baby when she's fussy (you can't be spoiled by too much love right?), I like holding her while she naps, CIO wasn't for me (she still learned to go to sleep on her own), as of now I plan on just letting her wean herself when she wants up to 2, and the list goes on. I find myself doing all the things I said I wouldn't do.
The point is we never know where we are going to find ourselves. I didn't know that I would find myself not only wanting but desperately praying to have a kid. I didn't know that I would find myself bawling at letting my baby cry and not running to hold her because I thought CIO was the only way you could teach a baby to sleep in their own room. There are still soooo many things I don't know when it comes to being a mom. I still don't have an answer for any of those issue/fears I had as a teenager. I didn't know the kind of mom I would become or the kind of mom I will still become. But God did and God does.
God has had this plan and this purpose for my life since before I was born! God was/has been/is molding me and shaping my life/heart to become this mom. I have to trust in that and the instincts He has given me. I have to have faith in the fact that I am the exactly the mom Thea needs. I can have confidence that I am the only person He prepared to be her Mom and to help guide her to fulfill the purpose He has for her own life. It's so easy to lose sight of that. It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Every day I see a new article with titles like "The Top 5 Things GOOD Moms do", "The Worst Parenting Mistakes", "How NOT to Raise Entitled Brats", etc. Okay, the last one I made up but you get the drift. I'm not saying these are horrible articles. I read every single one (sometimes just for laughs) and I think there is a lot of wisdom in reading articles about parenting, talking to other moms, talking to our own moms, etc. BUT they can also do harm when you find yourself comparing yourself to others or feeling insufficient. The problem with these articles is that kids aren't a one-size-fits-all. And neither is every mom or family. One thing is not going to work for every situation. These articles can be helpful for a lot of reasons but ultimately trust in yourself. More importantly, trust in God. I'm preaching to myself here. But maybe there are other moms who find it easy to feel like a failure when they find themselves comparing themselves to the articles they read or the other moms that they see.
