2 WEEKS AGO

I have picked up my computer to write a post several times the last couple weeks only to keep putting it off. This time not because I didn't know what to write about but because I knew exactly what I needed to write- exactly what I needed to get out.

It's been a rough, emotional couple weeks. Two weeks ago, for the first time in probably a year, I needed to take a pregnancy test. Two weeks ago, the words "not pregnant" caused my heart to break a little. And a little more the week after that.

I promise, 98% of the time I deal really well with the fact that we aren't getting pregnant. I don't know if it's the fact that 13 *I think that was the last count* different acquaintances/friends have recently announced their pregnancy. (That's not an exaggeration. Baby Boom 2015 y'all.) Or the fact that it was the first time I even needed to take a test in a long time. But for whatever reason, it hit me really hard. I didn't try and get my hopes up- in fact I had a ton of other logical excuses for what else it could be- but it still didn't stop the tears from falling. Luckily, I have an amazing, supportive husband who is there every step of the way.

So, today I have officially taken the first step to finding out what is preventing us from conceiving. I made a doctor appointment to be examined. And I'm terrified. I guess that's why it has taken so long for me to actually do it. There's always been some reason to put it off. And as much as I look forward to at least just finally having an answer and being able to move from there in the right direction...it also makes it so much more real. Something could be wrong with me.

I have a few weeks until the appointment, but if you think of me, I wouldn't mind the prayers.