NEVER ONCE

This past weekend definitely had a theme in my life: thankfulness. I was reminded time and time again. Not only thankfulness for the obvious- my husband, my family, breath, etc. But thankfulness for the change He did in my life.

It's incredible to go through life and be able to look back in hindsight and see that even in the times that things seem bad, or in the times you've turned your back on Him, He knew exactly what He was doing. That even when you were being rebellious and thought you were following your own will-He had a hand in it.

I am not usually one who cries during worship, but yesterday I could not stop the tears during this song at church. I mean like I thought I was on the verge of uncontrollable sobs and might need to step out (thankfully that did not happen)tears.

For me, this was a strange reaction. I had even heard and sang the song before. But for some reason, yesterday, it just hit a spot. I remembered how I felt for so long until a couple years ago. So distant. Not caring. Cold hearted. I truly never thought I would ever feel or care about the things of God again. I didn't pray. Didn't think there was a point. Didn't care about what I did or who it pleased. Selfish.

There was no specific "ah-ha" moment. No incident to make me change my mind. So I look at my heart today and the things I feel and desire and am almost dumbfounded. How did this happen? When did I start caring? And then I remember- although I had given up on God, He had never given up on me. Although I had stopped caring about Him, He had never stopped caring about me. And looking back, even though the things I were pursuing and had decided to do with my life- although I was not seeking God or His will, and though He may have directed my life on a different path now- I have received so many blessings through those things. Certain people that were brought into my life. People who ended up being a great influence and encouragement for the things of God. Friends that continually bless my life. He knows what and who we need in our lives at what point. God, even through our rebellion, has a plan and a purpose. And I cannot be more thankful for him never once leaving me on my own. For bringing me back when I thought I'd never want to be back.For being faithful even when I was not.

I have so much more to say about being thankful for the things God has done in my life, but I think I will have to do a continuation. I have rambled on long enough and can feel my brain going a million directions with this. Thank you to those who have bared with me til the end. =)