SEARCHING FOR A HOMELESS MAN

em·pa·thy  [em-puh-thee]

/ˈɛm pə θi/ Shothe intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

I am a very empathetic person. This can be a good thing but it can also be a bit ridiculous sometimes. For example: I do not like to watch any of those "talent" shows because people always boo them on the stage and it makes me sad for them; every time I pass someone holding a sign, begging on the street corner, I cry; etc.

In all of these situations, I instantly put myself there. How humiliating to be booed off stage. How desperate, embarrassing, and completely humbling it would have to be to resort to standing on the street corner. Especially with all the presumptions people have about that.

I have been told several times how stupid I am for feeling that way. "All they are doing is getting drugs or alcohol". "It's their own fault they are in that situation". yada yada yada. And while all that may be true, it may not be. And if I am doing something with a right heart, does it matter?

With that being said, last night as me and the husband headed to his grandparents house, there was a man holding a sign that said "travlin',broke,and hungry" at the street corner close to where we were going to pick up some food. We decided to get him a burger and fries. We had been blessed with a little extra money and a friend had blessed us by buying our dinner last weekend. The least we could do was pay it forward right? It is ridiculous how happy and excited it made me at the idea of handing him his food. Sadly, we waited for 15 minutes in the drive thru and by the time we got back to the corner he was no longer there. I drove around the area for about 10 minutes looking for him. I didn't find him. It was so disappointing.

So maybe this empathy is a little ridiculous sometimes, maybe it does affect me too much, but isn't it fundamentally a good thing? Should we not consider people's feelings? Maybe if we could all put ourselves in someone else's shoes for even just a minute the world would be a better place. People would treat each other differently. The news would be full of more good stories then bad, with less crime and more of people helping one another.

Or, then again, maybe we'd all just walk around crying a lot more.

FUN FACT FRIDAY #2

Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.

I have to admit that after hearing this I looked it up. I wanted to know more about it and its causes. It was during that research that I learned that this is not an actual fact *maybe I should throw in a disclaimer here that any facts listed on "fun fact friday" may be proven to not be legitimate FACTS. You cannot believe everything you hear or read after all, and I am not a scientist*. It is a fictional phobia created in the Far Side comic, but I thought it too funny (and strange!) not to share! 

just because I thought this was funny

CONTINUATION...

In my previous post, I said I would have to continue all those thoughts about thankfulness in a different post. Well, here it goes...

3 years ago, I decided to be a hairstylist. I went to school for 2 years, graduated and worked
in a salon for over a year while preparing to take my certification tests. And then 4 months ago, God decided to lead me in a completely different direction. In a direction, in all honesty, I did not want to take. Teaching children. Something that after 5 years of working in preschool, I said I would never ever do again. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy with God when I felt that He was leading me to do this. And more than that- in ministry at the same Christian school I grew up in and graduated from. I didn't feel worthy and was more than shocked that I was even being considered. Me? The rebel. the black-sheep. with my tattoos?! God thinks so much more of us then we do of ourselves. So many times we feel unworthy to do certain things. But God has a purpose for us. He knew when I doubted.

I decided, for the first time in my life probably, that I was going to be completely obedient to God. Even if it was something that I, by myself, would not have done. I was terrified. What if I hated it? What if I had no patience? What if it was as awful as it was before? Working in preschool had only solidified my decision to not have children, after all.

4 months later, I could not be more thankful to God for that decision and his direction. I LOVE what I do, the amazing kids I have in my class, and the people I have the pleasure of working with every day. I am absolutely amazed at how much different it is now then before. Crazy how things come together and the Lord blesses when you are obedient.

Who's to say what the future holds? Hair is still something I enjoy and love to do. And luckily it's a learned skill. I never have to stop doing it. Now is this the end of doing it professionally? Is teaching at the school what I'm meant to do for the rest of my career? I don't have the answer to any of that. For now I am content in knowing that I am exactly where God wants me and will keep striving to seek Him and follow His directions in all I do.

NEVER ONCE

This past weekend definitely had a theme in my life: thankfulness. I was reminded time and time again. Not only thankfulness for the obvious- my husband, my family, breath, etc. But thankfulness for the change He did in my life.

It's incredible to go through life and be able to look back in hindsight and see that even in the times that things seem bad, or in the times you've turned your back on Him, He knew exactly what He was doing. That even when you were being rebellious and thought you were following your own will-He had a hand in it.

I am not usually one who cries during worship, but yesterday I could not stop the tears during this song at church. I mean like I thought I was on the verge of uncontrollable sobs and might need to step out (thankfully that did not happen)tears.

For me, this was a strange reaction. I had even heard and sang the song before. But for some reason, yesterday, it just hit a spot. I remembered how I felt for so long until a couple years ago. So distant. Not caring. Cold hearted. I truly never thought I would ever feel or care about the things of God again. I didn't pray. Didn't think there was a point. Didn't care about what I did or who it pleased. Selfish.

There was no specific "ah-ha" moment. No incident to make me change my mind. So I look at my heart today and the things I feel and desire and am almost dumbfounded. How did this happen? When did I start caring? And then I remember- although I had given up on God, He had never given up on me. Although I had stopped caring about Him, He had never stopped caring about me. And looking back, even though the things I were pursuing and had decided to do with my life- although I was not seeking God or His will, and though He may have directed my life on a different path now- I have received so many blessings through those things. Certain people that were brought into my life. People who ended up being a great influence and encouragement for the things of God. Friends that continually bless my life. He knows what and who we need in our lives at what point. God, even through our rebellion, has a plan and a purpose. And I cannot be more thankful for him never once leaving me on my own. For bringing me back when I thought I'd never want to be back.For being faithful even when I was not.

I have so much more to say about being thankful for the things God has done in my life, but I think I will have to do a continuation. I have rambled on long enough and can feel my brain going a million directions with this. Thank you to those who have bared with me til the end. =)

FUN FACT FRIDAY #1

Fire Ants can imitate textiles and liquid. During a flood, fire ants can form a raft with their bodies that can stay afloat for a few months.

People who know me well know that I hate ants (traumatizing incident as a child), so naturally I was drawn to a documentary about fire ants a couple nights ago on netflix. It was so fascinating so I've decided to start my new blog series "Fun Fact Friday" with a couple tidbits I learned from that.

Basically, ant colonies are these amazing super organisms. Protection of the colony, especially the young, is the top priority. And because of that, ants have a few cool tricks. When flooded, ants form a raft with their bodies. They are connected to approximately 8 other ants at a time. The raft can stay afloat for a few months before finding a new surface to rebuild on. Even cooler than that- the raft is not submerged when pressed on. Instead it bends and flexes forming a bowl.

Like the rafting technique, ants also connect their bodies to form a ball. The ball can be tossed and even pulled apart, with a consistency and texture much like a ball of gum. Another cool trick- if you were to take the ball of ants and put it in a funnel or pour them from a cup, instead of the ants falling straight to the ground, they trickle like a fluid stream safely down.

Now there are tons of more interesting facts about ants from colony politics to the intricately tunneled mounds they call home. But these were the two I found most interesting and had no clue about! I know I am a nerd, but I hope you found that as interesting as I did. I highly recommend watching the documentary. The narrator is awful but the information is cool.



STUCK IN MY HEAD

"I wanna live like there's no tomorrow. Love like I'm on borrowed time. It's good to be alive."

I heard this song on the way home from work today and it's been stuck on repeat in my head ever since. And the more that I sang it- as I cooked dinner, as I cleaned up, as I showered (all much to my husband's delight I'm sure)- the more I realized just how true those words are. Or how true they should be.

How many things do you have on your bucket list? There are so many things I want to do in my lifetime, but it's so easy to think "I have my whole life to do it". Days, weeks, years go by. Time is wasted. From a different prospective, we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. If today was our last day, what could we say we achieved? What are we leaving behind?

Every opportunity, to work, to love, to witness, to LIVE, has to be taken! There will always be a reason not to, better timing, etc. If you wait for the perfect conditions nothing will ever be done! Life is a blessing. I'm going to challenge myself, and you, to live like it.

WHY BLOG?

I am sure there are quite a few people who think to themselves "who cares? who cares what you did today? who cares what your opinion on the subject is?" everytime I submit a new post. I'm sure there are people who read my blog and notice that there aren't many people commenting on the posts (or any at this point, although I do see that quite a bit of you are reading when I post, so don't be afraid to comment!) and wonder "what's the point?".

Well, quite bluntly, but not at all with any rude intention, it's not about you. While knowing that people read or can get anything at all from what I say is encouraging, blogging is for me. When I was younger, I was one of those girls you'd see writing away in her notebook. I kept a journal. Filled it with whatever teenage angst was weighing on my mind. You see, I've always had a fascination with documenting life. With knowing that I could look back one day, when my mind can no longer remember, and recall a little of who I was at a given time. Recall what was going on in the world, what was going on in my life, how I felt. Maybe with a future child or grandchild. Even now, I enjoy going back and reading old journals or even old Facebook statuses from over the years. It reminds me of things I had forgotten and shows me how much I have changed (or not changed).

BESTIES, BANGS, AND BLOGS

Wow. What a weekend! I recently posted about being maybe too much of a homebody and needing to take time to see friends and family. This weekend: mission accomplished! As you know, Friday night I had a sleepover with the kids. So much fun. But the weekend had only just begun. Saturday night, after dropping all the kiddos off, I got to spend some much needed time with the Bestie and her mom. We had dinner at Jake's and then got to handpick our own boxes of fancy chocolates. Courtesy of the Bestie's mom and her Groupon deal. Delicious.

After returning home for the night, I decided, very randomly, that I was going to cut myself bangs. Most of you who know me know that I get very bored with my hair very easily. I have been growing it out for the last couple years and that does not sit well with that boredness. Soooo....bangs for a quick fix. I LOVE them! They are just what I needed..for now.

Sunday was a busy day. Church at FOTP in the morning. I say morning, but I ended up having to go to the 12:15 service, given I didnt wake up in time after being up til 4am Saturday night. Church was awesome as always. I will be touching on the new series we've started at church at another time.

Now to the main reason I wanted to write this post: Friends. I am so thankful to God for the people He has put in my life right now. It amazes me how much God always knows exactly what we need when we need it. I said before how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. Most of that change has been inward. And over the past couple years there has been a couple groups of friends that have come into my life.

Sunday night I had my LifeGroup (a bible study group). I cannot say how much being apart of this group has been one of the biggest blessings to my spiritual walk and keeping that desire strong in my heart. We joke about how it takes us so long to get through one chapter in the book we are working through, but I love that our studies include being able to share our struggles and desires with each other without fear of judgement or condemnation. And that we are a group that can truly pray with and for each other.

After LifeGroup, I met up with the girlfriends downtown for the night. One of our friends is in town for the weekend and we had an old fashioned slumber party at a downtown hotel. The night was so much fun! Dinner and Karoke and then chatting on the balcony of our room until the early hours of the morning. From running down the hallways in our socks to finally going to bed at 6am, it was a night I wont forget. This group of women God has slowly brought closer into my life over the past year. Each one of them so different and with their own talents and gifts but all the same in that they are all there to encourage and listen and say what needs to be said whenever it might be hard to hear. I value that.

After finally returning home today (this weekend is the most I have been away from my husband since we've been married!), I've spent the last several hours playing with my blog and designing my new header. You may have noticed the changes but pardon my mess as I am under construction. But for now, it has been a long weekend and I am ready to catch up on some sleep.

NIECE, NEPHEWS, TEENAGER OH MY!

Tonight I got to have a few of my nephews (1 age 10, and 2 age 4) and my niece (age 12) over, as well as my younger sister-in-law (age 15). It is almost ridiculous how excited I was all week for this night to come! I had a great night of Mcdonalds, Hotel Transylvania 3D, and "make your own shakes" planned! Quite a few people asked "why?" and quite a few people "prepared" me for a crazy night. Well, the "why?"...I love them. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with my nieces and nephews as I would like and it's sad to see how big they've gotten. Life gets so crazy but its nice to stop and remember that time passes so quickly and before you know it, it's over. Just seeing them weekly, or even every day, isnt the same thing as spending quality time with them and making memories. As far as a crazy, wanna-pull-my-hair-out kinda night? Suprising as it may be-not at all! Tonight has been so fun! Yes, I am 25 years old, my Friday night consisted of hanging out with a bunch of kids, and I had more fun then I've had in awhile. And?

After a not-so-great start (I switched cars with my sister, who owns a mini-van, but failed to take my apartment key off my keyring, so I was locked out with 5 kids and had to get my office management to let me in), we hung out watching netflix until the husband got home. During that time, my adorable maltipoo baby, Oliver, and my precious 4 year old nephew, Charlee, fell in love. It was love at first sight and Charlee spent the entire time chasing him around. While Oliver spent the entire time way too excited and testing my hesitation to having to explain why he kept "dancing" with Charlee (we've really got to get that dog fixed). Once the hubs got home, it was off to Mcdonalds. To which, both 4 year old nephews declared their undying devotion and that they would proudly live there forever in the playplace (they would even sweep it). It amazes me that Mcdonalds still holds that kind of awesome magnetism to children after all these years. So simple. If only adulthood worked that way. What a place the world would be.

Once we pried the kids from the Heaven of tunnels and slides that is "The Playplace", we went to see Hotel Transylvania in 3D. Very cute. It had the kid's attention the whole time (I was anticipating having to sit in between the younger boys when they grew restless and started talking) and even kept me, the "adult", laughing.

 my phone takes awful pics.

 and has a very bright flash.

After the movie we headed home and being the cool aunt that I am, we blended our own milkshakes. Each one got to pick his/her own candy to blend up into a shake. That was a big success! Especially pushing the blend button (for the smaller two)! After more cuddling and eating shakes while watching netflix, I am laying in bed, with a living room full of kids, and blogging about what a great night it has been. A couple years ago I would have laughed at the thought of this being a Friday night. Amazing how much life can change in such a short time. Wouldn't change it for a thing.

HOM-BOD-Y [HOHM-BOD-EE] NOUN

 a person who prefers pleasures and activities that center around the home

I've come to realize that, the older I get, the more of a homebody I become. Seriously. Nothing sounds better to me, any given night of the week, then sitting at home with my husband doing absolutely nothing but watching Heroes on Netflix. And while there is nothing at all wrong with this, I usually have this "I-dont-wanna" attitude whenever any sort of event is going to interrupt that. Not outwardly, mind you. It's not even a true inward grumbling. More of a "I'm so tired", "I dont want to get ready" type complaint, then anything to do with whatever or whoever the event pertains. With that being said...

I have NEVER, not once, ever regretted going or wished that I did, indeed, stay home. I always end up telling myself how much I need to make time to see people and friends.

Tonight, I went to a very simple dinner with friends who I haven't got to see as much lately. After getting home from work, all those normal annoyances started probing their way into my head. No matter that I was, in fact, very excited to see my friends. There was Mr. "you've-had-a-long-day" and Mrs."cuddling-watching-netflix" coming to visit. Not to mention, I had started feeling a little emotional for some unkown reason. Overwhelmed. Not in a bad way. Not in a good way. We shall just call that one Mr. "pms". Nevertheless, I got myself up and drove to dinner. And from the second I sat there with my friends, catching up, talking about all the things that had been going on in our individual lives, all of that disappeared. My ordinary day had just gotten so much brighter and my spirit lifted so much higher from simply talking to friends over dinner. So, again, I am sitting here reminding myself that I need to make time to see people. And that while Heroes night on the couch with my husband is certainly great, great fellowship is truly good for the soul.

WHITE BLANK PAGE

"Lead me to the truth...I will follow you with my whole life."

Mumford and Sons. Great music. Soothing. What I call "easy-breezy" music. I love them. But that's not what this post is about. This lyric popped into my head the other day as I contemplated starting a blog again. While "White Blank Page" is another typical love song, this particular lyric stood out to me for such a different reason. And again, as I sat here staring at this blank screen in front of me, wondering why exactly I had felt the need to blog again, wondering what exactly I could even write about and everything that a first post should be- that introduction to me, the summaration of the entire narrative of what this blog is to become. Again, I thought of this particular lyric.

We so often refer to life as a book that's still being written and to "chapters" of life being opened and closed. I have written, gone back to erase furiously edit, and eventually closed quite a few chapters in this short book of life I have compiled. But none so much as the last couple years of my life. I feel I've come to this place of being nothing but a white blank page. Waiting for the next part of my story to be laid before me. No longer awaiting my approval as the author. Because for the first time in a long time, maybe really the first time ever if I'm honest, I don't want to fight for the pen. I want to simply be the white blank page that God, the True Author, can write His story upon. Only He can lead to the truth, and I want to follow Him with my whole life. It's taken a few tear-stained pages, a whole lot of crumbled up pages tossed in the trash, and for awhile it seemed like a completely different book all together, never to find its way back. But, finally, here is where my story has come. A chapter closed and a brand new chapter waiting to begin. I'm sure there will be times that I want to steal that pen back from God but hopefully I can stop at scribbling notes in the margins instead. So this is me. A blank page. Ready and willing for My Author to let His story unfold.