GESTATIONAL DIABETES MEAL IDEAS

Any of my readers that follow me on Facebook know that I failed my glucose test a couple weeks ago and have Gestational Diabetes. I was feeling really bummed about it at first because it meant having to go back to seeing the high risk doctor regularly again, the dreaded finger pricking, and the all-around guilt I felt for knowing my baby is more at risk for being bigger (which means risking C-section) when she's already been measuring a bit big anyway and more at risk to develop diabetes later in life. But after talking to friends and a few people who had it in their pregnancies, I felt better. Still not over the finger pricking though! The bright side is that I should be able to manage it with just diet and no meds, which means eating better for me and baby anyway!

So I got my handy dandy diabetes kit and was ready to roll! I got out a little journal and started logging all the food I ate for each meal and what the subsequent blood sugar level was 2 hours later. Man, does that open your eyes....

The first day testing, I had a bowl of shredded wheat cereal for breakfast. Even measured out just a cup. Blood sugar level went way high! What?! I read over the pamphlets the doctor gave me, searched information online, and started to realize it has a lot more to do with balancing your meals out then avoiding anything. Not that there aren't things you should try and avoid or limit. 

My first week with GD, I was in Florida, with the rest of the staff I work with, for a teaching seminar. While there, our meals were provided for us at the college cafeteria. Which basically means 8 full buffets for every meal each day! Oh the self control. I did try to do the best with what I could. But most days I had 1 level go over. Some days even 2. I started to think that maybe that was just normal and accepted it. 

After I got back from Florida, I made my grocery shopping trip for all the things I thought I'd need for my new diet. Oh my goodness....even having 1 level a day is not normal and I should not accept it! For the week I've been back home I've only had ONE day where even 1 level was too high (eating fast food the day before grocery shopping). I'm getting the hang of it and eating more things I wouldn't normally (like peanut butter! yuck) and I'm pretty proud of myself so far. Now it's like an inward competition to see how many days in a row I can make it without any levels going over. The hardest part has honestly been having to make sure I actually eat 3 full on meals every day! I hate eating when I'm not hungry.

Here's an example of some of the things I've had the last week.

1) 2 eggs on a whole wheat english muffin, organic unsweetened apple sauce, and a glass of milk. 2) Bran flakes (plainest cereal ever) with banana (makes it taste so much better). 3) honey, all natural organic peanut butter, and banana slices on whole wheat english muffin. With the rest of the banana on the side and a glass of milk. 4) Turkey sandwich (haven't had deli meat the entire pregnancy cause heating it didn't sound good but I finally broke down and got some since it's an easy lunch) on whole wheat sandwich thins with multi grain tortilla chips (these are SO much better than regular tortilla chips! yum!) and black bean/corn salsa. 5) Baked breaded salmon and baked shrimp with broccoli and grilled squash. 6) Cucumbers and carrots with spinach/artichoke hummus (nope. still don't like hummus!).

Hope this gives any of you with GD some ideas and motivation. I'd love for any of you to share some meal ideas with me! Especially any of you who have/had GD too. I get tired of having the same things all the time. Well, time to go make dinner. Tostadas tonight! =)

GROWN UP NIGHTMARES

It's Fall. Cold outside. I walk outside to find him around a fire at a party with his friends. I try to talk to him but his friends keep diverting me away. I have family visiting so I walk away to tell them bye as they load up to go back home. When I near the fire again, I can see that he is crying. I want to comfort him. But I also need answers. Finally, he agrees to meet with me. We seek privacy in one of the bedrooms. I ask him "Why?". Deja Vu. I feel like we've been here before. Isn't this what happened last time? This out-of-the-blue break up? I'd made sure to always ask him if he was happy this time. I'd begged with him to talk to me before it ever got to this point again. Give me a chance to fix it. But here we were. He looks at me with tears in his eyes, offering no answers. I stare back at him, my eyes begging for this not to happen. Then something changes. Gone are the tears from his eyes. Instead his eyes grow cold. A smirk appears on his face. "I'm just not attracted to you anymore. You're not sexy." It's like a dagger to my heart. I stand up and walk to the door, looking at him again with tears in my eyes before I walk out of the room. I don't want him to see how much he hurts me. I collect myself and walk back into the room. The cruel smirk is still on his face. "I'm pregnant." I counter, as an excuse for my un-sexiness. "Nah, even before that. I haven't been attracted to you for years." More spiteful words are said, every insecurity I have flowing from his mouth. Finally, I take off the ring that sits on my left hand and place it in front of him. I exit the room and shut myself into the bathroom before letting the tears flow freely. I hear the bedroom door shut as he leaves. For good. My mom comes into the bathroom to comfort me and tells me everything will be ok. But I know it won't. Despite his cruelty, he's all I want. 

I woke up crying, saying "No!" rather firmly into my pillow. I reached over to Chris to assure myself it was just a dream. His side of the bed was empty. I looked at the clock. He shouldn't have left for work for another few minutes. I panicked and called out to him. He came into the room. Real-life Chris never wears that cruel smirk or cold eyes. He hugged me and I could calm down.

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I'm at work when I receive the worst phone call you can get. There's been an accident. It's Chris. He didn't make it. I refuse to believe the news and continue about my work day. I don't understand why people are looking at me with sad eyes, offering their condolences. "It's not true." I say with a smile and decide to drive to the scene to prove it. On my way to the gas station where it supposedly happen, I receive another phone call. This time it's Chris. "I told everyone it wasn't true!" I smile into the phone. His voice is sad. "It is true, baby. I'm so sorry. Know that I love you more than anything. I have to go." Still not understanding, I beg him not to hang up. I'm about to arrive at the gas station and I can prove it. But he's already hung up. I pull up to the gas station and see the police tape blocking off the entire parking lot. I scan the lot for his car..for any wreckage. I see none. A good sign. I try calling Chris back and no one answers. I continue about my day. Later, I receive a call from my bank about wether I need to switch the names on the accounts. Strange. Why would I do that? I still continue going about my day normally. Still not understanding the sad looks directed at me. I talked to him for goodness sake! Walking down a hallway towards an elevator, I receive another call. This time from the insurance. All at once, it finally hits me. He's gone. This is real. I will never see him again. Kiss him. Grow old with him. "You can't even wait a day?!" I scream into the phone before stepping into the elevator and throwing it against the wall. In the privacy of the elevator, I lose it. I pound on the wall, scream, cry. I won't survive this.

I woke up hysterically bawling. The dream had been too real, too vivid. I turned over and threw my arms around Chris, who was startled awake by my cries. "What's wrong?" he asked me, concerned. I couldn't answer. I just gripped him tight and continued to ugly cry for at least 30 minutes. After I finally calmed down, he asked me what my dream was about. Just the question made me cry again. It was a few hours before I could tell him.

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These are a couple dreams I've had just the past few weeks- the first one actually from today. Worse- each time I managed to fall back asleep, I fell right back into the dream! These are my nightmares. Isn't it funny how as we grow older, they stop being about psychotic killers or monsters chasing us through the streets? I almost wish for those.

I've heard that pregnancy could bring on disturbing or vivid dreams, but this is like my sub-conscious is force feeding me my worst fears. I have never in my life cried so hard from a dream as I did that last one. Writing it out, putting my fears out there for you to read, I wish I could say now how silly it feels. But it doesn't. It still affects me. I spent basically that entire day praying to God for Chris's safety, terrified that I would receive that phone call for real.

I often joke with my husband that I love him too much. But it's not really a joke. I feel like I would not be able to go on without him and would die right along with him like in The Notebook or even some real life news stories I've seen of elderly couples. I know how melodramatic that sounds and that a lot of you probably just rolled your eyes. But whatever. It's simply to explain that losing him- wether through death, divorce, or anything else preventing us from spending our whole lives together- has become my biggest fear. And the evil sandman knows it.

The truth is though, that we never know when loved ones may be taken from us or when a marriage may come to an end. We should strive, every day, to make sure that the people in our lives know how much we love them. We should work hard on our marriages every day and not take our partners for granted. Marriage is a gift. I've already worried about how parenting will change my own relationship with my husband. I've seen so often how "Mom & Dad" completely replaces "Husband & Wife". I'm not saying that parenting isn't important and should fall to the sidelines- it's another gift and blessing from God that should be cherished. But it shouldn't mean that your relationship as a couple falls away either. It's so easy to get caught up in the busyness of every day to remember these things. But we have to make it a priority! God has given us these people and these relationships so let's take care of them.

MOMMY WARS

There was a lot of things I expected to come with pregnancy- excitement, morning sickness, a growing belly, stretch marks, the famous glow- and I wasn't disappointed with most of those expectations. Forever jealous of the women I see with full term pregnant bellies in these beautiful, goddess-like, bare belly maternity pictures without a single stretch mark!

One thing I did not expect was to find so much controversy and debate in my research and preparation- aka the Mommy Wars. 

From breastfeeding vs formula and c-section vs epidural vs natural (drug free) birth to the ever hot topic of vaccination vs non-vaccination. Any search on the internet about almost anything baby related will bring up conflicting ideas and views. Which is great for someone like me, who likes to know all my options so that I can make informed decisions. 

Unfortunately, where the problem comes in, is how much hate and mommy slamming I've seen people post about the opposing view. 

"How could you give your baby formula, breast milk is the only way."

"Women who have a drug-free, natural birth are way more empowered."

"C-sections don't count as giving birth."

"How could you vaccinate your children?? Don't you know about all the harmful chemicals you're injecting them with??"

How could you not vaccinate your child? Don't you know you are putting the rest of our children at risk??"

So much condemnation and criticizing isn't helpful for anyone. I think that for the most part, all women, as mothers, are just trying to do what they think is best for their babies. And for new moms, looking for information, it makes it really hard to ask questions for fear of judgement. What should be a welcoming community where moms can come together to discuss and learn has turned into a "who does it better?" competition.

Here's the way I see it....And these are just my opinions...

Yes, there are many amazing benefits to breastfeeding from health and nutrition to saving money on formula. BUT for some women, breastfeeding isn't an option, whether they are just uncomfortable with it, their milk doesn't come in or come in enough, or they simply just don't want the added responsibility of needing to be constantly available for baby to an even greater extent. As far as vaccinations, there's SO MUCH research that can be done. I don't know nearly enough and don't feel like I ever will. But ultimately it boils down to this to me... there's risk either way. Either there's risk of negative reactions to chemicals when you choose to vaccinate or there's risk of sickness and disease by choosing to not vaccinate. And by far the saddest debate out there, the way you choose (or the choice is made for you) to birth. I've seen the rudest remarks about c-sections in particular and how they "don't count". I've seen the egotistic better-than-you attitude that comes with an all natural birth and how "empowering" it is. I started to feel guilty about the fact that I'd always just assumed I'd have an epidural since that's just the way most people I knew had done it. To this I say- If you are a mom and have given birth in any way, shape, or form then you are amazing and empowered just as much as any mom next to you. Empowering is carrying a child for 10 months (why do they always say 9??) and knowing that this is exactly what your body was made for. And whatever means of delivery, the end result is the same. A beautiful human being that relies on you for the rest of your life. What's more empowering than that?

The point of all of that is just to say that we never know the experiences and situations of anyone else. Your choices, while the best option for you and your baby, are not necessarily the best choice for another mom and her baby. But what we all need is a community being supportive and where we can feel comfortable talking about our experiences.