"HIGH-RISK"

Saturday was a scary, emotional, tear-filled day. 

It started when I got ready to go out for the day with my husband. I wanted to wear a pair of shorts but none of them fit me since my bump decided to appear out of no where a couple weeks ago and has not stopped growing since. 

The left is the first day my bump made it's appearance and then today. Seriously.. this is just 10 days difference?! That seems crazy. Is this normal???

I figured it was time to pull out one of my belly bands for the first time. It then preceded to take me about an hour to figure out how to wear, with help from my poor husband and a ton of frustration from me which led to tears from me. Then I just began crying more cause I felt stupid for crying over something so stupid. Hormones I tell ya. Come to find out I had been using the belly band upside down which is why it wouldn't work right. But finally I was dressed and ready to go and all calmed down.

Then the scary and even more emotional part of our day began. **The next part might be a little TMI but a lot of you know that I ended up admitted into the hospital Saturday night and people have been asking about what happened and if we are okay so I figured a blog post was the best way to update everyone about it.** As we were in the Apple store taking care of Chris's phone, I began suddenly bleeding pretty heavily. I texted my Mom and sisters who told me to head to the hospital immediately. And the tears began flowing again for the second time that day. This time for very scary, real reasons. 

I was so scared and just began praying to God for them to tell me it was all nothing and send me home. My mind began going back to this past Wednesday in my LifeGroup. We are doing the Explicit Gospel study and in the video we watched this past week, Matt Chandler goes to say how God doesn't owe us anything. When his son was young he had a severe seizure one night and on the way to the emergency room he was praying to God, realizing that God didn't OWE him the life of his son and that God either strengthen him through this experience or through his loss. Wow. I began pleading with God, telling Him I was not strong enough for the loss part. To please please not strengthen me in that way.

When I arrived at the hospital, it wasn't as simple as I had hoped. I ended up being dilated to a 1 and they began asking me if my water had broke and if I was having any contraction like pains (I wasn't feeling pain at all), concerned I was trying to go into early labor. At 17 weeks, obviously this would be way too soon. My fear spiked. I was admitted into the hospital for the first time in my life as they contacted the doctor to do an ultrasound. My family and best friend arrived and I felt strengthened. I knew I had them praying for me too. 

Praise God that the ultrasound found that although the outside of my cervix was dilated, the top was completely closed and whatever was going on, Baby C was not being affected. Baby was completely fine. Chris and I got to see our sweet baby moving around on the screen and see the heart and brain and just how much Baby has grown (I haven't had a sonogram since Week 10 and man what a difference!). I can never explain how reassuring it is to see or hear my baby every single time I get the chance to.

The ultrasound did show that what was causing the bleeding was that my placenta is laying lower than it should be. It is covering the very edge of my cervix instead of being completely raised away from it. The rubbing can cause the vessels in the top of the cervix to rupture hence the bleeding. The risk is that the placenta itself tear. So I was put on bedrest and pelvic rest for 48 hours until I could have a follow up with my doctor today.

I was hoping for the all clear to go back to work tomorrow since this is a crazy week to be missing (I'm the Director of the Elementary Musical which is this Friday, meaning rehearsals every day this week) but unfortunately my bedrest and pelvic rest is extended another week until another follow up next week. Basically as of now I am considered "high-risk" and it will be on a week by week basis if I am taken off bedrest. 95% of the time the placenta eventually moves up as the pregnancy progresses, it's just a matter of when. From what I understand, once the placenta has moved I will no longer be at high risk. So here's to praying that placenta gets moving this week.

Ultimately, as much as bedrest and especially pelvic rest sucks, Baby is ok and that is the most important thing to me. I know this was long so thank you for caring to read. Thank you everyone so much for your prayers over this weekend. Chris and I (and Baby C) appreciate it. It's so hard to remain strong and have faith when things are so scary but I couldn't imagine how much scarier things would have been without faith at all. 

THE HAPPIEST REASON...

Well, it's been almost 2 whole months since I have posted to this dear old blog. An emotional, sick, beautiful 2 months. In the past 2 months, I have cried, slept, and thrown up (gross, I know) more than any other period of time in my adult life. For someone who is generally never sick, not very emotional, and a huge night owl...it's been hard. I haven't felt like myself. I've cried to my incredibly supportive, caring, and amazing husband how sorry I am because I don't feel I've been able to be a wife. 

BUT...these have also been the most amazing, beautiful couple months of my life. Every time I got sick was just a reminder of this sweet blessing growing inside of me. 

A sweet, fellow preggo friend of mine sent me this today...

This is so absolutely true! Every miserable, nauseating, exhausting, overwhelming second has been so completely worth it. I've felt a twinge of guilt any time I've said that I was feeling bad or had any complaint because this is the greatest thing that has happened to me. And I wouldn't take back even one second of it. As envious as I may be of these people who have had perfect pregnancies with zero side effects, I wouldn't trade one part of the process that is leading me to motherhood.

Also, I am happy to say I am 13 weeks today and have officially entered in to the last week of my first trimester! It is amazing what a huge difference this has already made. I have felt SO much better this last week. I have to brag on my husband because he has been the best caretaker. Pretty much taking care of everything from cleaning up to cooking dinner while I laid in bed every night. Never complaining or having an attitude but just being so loving instead. I really hit the jackpot with this one, guys! So incredibly thankful for him. Hopefully now that I am feeling better I'll be able to take back over the wifey stuff. =)

That's really all that's been going on in my little world. Just wanted to put an update out there. Now that I have a little more energy, I should be blogging a little more. 

Right now I just feel really fat and uncomfortable in these pregnancy pics and HATE taking them. However I know at the end , I'll love having the whole thing documented. So there they are.

FOR THIS CHILD I HAVE PRAYED...

This is the BEST news I have ever been able to give....

I'M PREGNANT!!!

It's a little blurry but that little screen for sure says "pregnant". I've only checked it about every 5 min.

It's out there. It's real. I still can't believe it! I took 3 different tests (4 if you count the one I took a week prior and mistook as negative) and just stared at each one! Not gonna lie, I still have the first digital one and I will keep picking it up to stare at the words "pregnant" until the battery dies. We found out January 25th and it was confirmed by the doctor today, February 4th. I'm estimated at 7 weeks! Find out for sure by Friday. *Although I am pretty sure already given they had me tracking my ovulation and I can pretty much pinpoint conception.*

Thank you everyone for all the prayers over the last 9 months since I shared our struggles with conceiving. We are feeling so excited and happy and just kinda floating on Cloud 9. I don't know how anyone ever keeps this in for the whole first trimester!!! I always thought I would be someone who would do that. But we've had so many people in prayer for us that I couldn't not share this huge blessing that you've all been praying with us about. I wanted to tell the world the moment it happened. It was hard enough waiting to have the doctors appointment to confirm.

So reactions....

Mine was ridiculous. I bawled. Not in a "happy tears" kinda way. I was terrified. The first test I took was just a test strip I got with my ovulation tests. I was so scared that I was reading it wrong. That I was just not getting something right. It couldn't possibly be positive. 

**Let me explain... if you've ever taken the kind of ovulation test that is just a test strip (not the plastic ones you get at the store) then you know they aren't the easiest to read. It's basically judging how dark or faint a line is compared to another line. With an ovulation test, if the line is ANY fainter than the one that comes on the strip then its negative. When I used the pregnancy strip the week before, I figured it was the same thing. The line was faint so I threw it away and tossed it up to my cycle being crazy and abnormal as always. Another week later, I decided to take another one, not really believing it would be different. That's when it hit me that the package of the pregnancy strips did NOT have the same results. No line was negative and ANY line was positive. This led to lots of staring and comparing. And then all the bawling.*** 

Basically I was too scared to be happy at first. I've been planning on telling Chris is some cute way and that was completely ruined. He came into the room to me sitting on the bed bawling my eyes out. He hugged me tight as he tried to figure out what had happened. After a minute of not being able to speak, I finally got out "maybe I'm pregnant". He obviously was a little confused by my reaction. He smiled and just reminded me that this is what we wanted. I showed him the test strip and then made him go get me a box of the digital ones at the store. I wanted one to just straight up say the words so there was no mistaking me reading it wrong. We went by the store on the way to church so I wasn't able to take it till after. But then I got the words I've been looking for for 2 years. Finally I let the happiness and excitement and just pure joy take over. Chris had a big smile and he hugged me tight. I can't believe how cool, calm, and collected he's been through the whole thing. I am freakin out!! In the best way. I also planned on waiting to tell the parents. I've had it all planned how I would get an annoucement picture done and just have them over for dinner and give them the picture. That didn't happen. I couldn't wait to share all this joy with someone. We told the parents the same night. I took video of my parent's reaction. Didn't take my mom long to figure it out on her own. Apparently it's "all over my face". 

I wanted to wait until after the actual doctor's appointment to tell the rest of the family. Over a week I had to wait! Brutal. Again...how does anyone wait a whole trimester?!  Yes, I get that there is a reason... but God forbid that something does happen (I can't even THINK about that without crying all over again) then I know having the support of family and friends would be a lot easier then feeling like I had to carry the burden alone since I never told anyone in the first place.

And now I get to share it with the rest of the world. 

There's so many of you out there that are still in the waiting process. I just encourage you to stay strong and have faith. You guys have been such an encouragement to me these last few months and gave me the strength I needed to not let myself get discouraged. It CAN happen!!! 

Excuse the jumbled emotion of thoughts pouring out in this post. I'm just so dang excited I don't think I could try and make sense of any of it. God willing, in just 9 months I'll have a baby!!! I'll be a MOM! Craziness.