MOMMY WARS

There was a lot of things I expected to come with pregnancy- excitement, morning sickness, a growing belly, stretch marks, the famous glow- and I wasn't disappointed with most of those expectations. Forever jealous of the women I see with full term pregnant bellies in these beautiful, goddess-like, bare belly maternity pictures without a single stretch mark!

One thing I did not expect was to find so much controversy and debate in my research and preparation- aka the Mommy Wars. 

From breastfeeding vs formula and c-section vs epidural vs natural (drug free) birth to the ever hot topic of vaccination vs non-vaccination. Any search on the internet about almost anything baby related will bring up conflicting ideas and views. Which is great for someone like me, who likes to know all my options so that I can make informed decisions. 

Unfortunately, where the problem comes in, is how much hate and mommy slamming I've seen people post about the opposing view. 

"How could you give your baby formula, breast milk is the only way."

"Women who have a drug-free, natural birth are way more empowered."

"C-sections don't count as giving birth."

"How could you vaccinate your children?? Don't you know about all the harmful chemicals you're injecting them with??"

How could you not vaccinate your child? Don't you know you are putting the rest of our children at risk??"

So much condemnation and criticizing isn't helpful for anyone. I think that for the most part, all women, as mothers, are just trying to do what they think is best for their babies. And for new moms, looking for information, it makes it really hard to ask questions for fear of judgement. What should be a welcoming community where moms can come together to discuss and learn has turned into a "who does it better?" competition.

Here's the way I see it....And these are just my opinions...

Yes, there are many amazing benefits to breastfeeding from health and nutrition to saving money on formula. BUT for some women, breastfeeding isn't an option, whether they are just uncomfortable with it, their milk doesn't come in or come in enough, or they simply just don't want the added responsibility of needing to be constantly available for baby to an even greater extent. As far as vaccinations, there's SO MUCH research that can be done. I don't know nearly enough and don't feel like I ever will. But ultimately it boils down to this to me... there's risk either way. Either there's risk of negative reactions to chemicals when you choose to vaccinate or there's risk of sickness and disease by choosing to not vaccinate. And by far the saddest debate out there, the way you choose (or the choice is made for you) to birth. I've seen the rudest remarks about c-sections in particular and how they "don't count". I've seen the egotistic better-than-you attitude that comes with an all natural birth and how "empowering" it is. I started to feel guilty about the fact that I'd always just assumed I'd have an epidural since that's just the way most people I knew had done it. To this I say- If you are a mom and have given birth in any way, shape, or form then you are amazing and empowered just as much as any mom next to you. Empowering is carrying a child for 10 months (why do they always say 9??) and knowing that this is exactly what your body was made for. And whatever means of delivery, the end result is the same. A beautiful human being that relies on you for the rest of your life. What's more empowering than that?

The point of all of that is just to say that we never know the experiences and situations of anyone else. Your choices, while the best option for you and your baby, are not necessarily the best choice for another mom and her baby. But what we all need is a community being supportive and where we can feel comfortable talking about our experiences.

A BLOG BY ANY OTHER NAME...

This blog has under gone many changes since it began. First as Nine in the Afternoon, to A Cup of T, and now, finally, to just plain Tiffany Caram. As I contemplated changing the name of the blog yet again the usual questions I always ask myself began- "What is the general theme of my blog?", "What do I write about?",  "Does my title reflect that?". I've tried to do "cute" names but, obviously, they don't really stick. I feel like I outgrow them, that the blog and the things I write about change as my life does. As I do. I've longed for something that represents me and no matter what changes take place, stripping it back to simply my name will always represent me.

I've chosen the tagline "finding my place". The one thing I have found constant throughout life is change. Whether good or bad, you always seem to have to learn to find your place over and over again in different aspects. As I've gotten older, I've found my place and my voice in this life more and more. In marriage and motherhood- I have found my happiest place. But even in that, I will continue searching and growing and changing. 

I have struggled to find my place with this blog over the years. Writing has always been a means of therapy for me- venting, confessing, understanding. But there's a reason people always keep their diaries secret. It's where you are vulnerable, where you aren't always at your best. It's different to write when you know other people will read it. So why blog? What is it I want out there? Well, I've always wanted this to be a place to share my life, my thoughts, my ideas. I just thought I’d start this little blog to write about what I wanted to write about. Maybe people would read it and maybe not. Maybe someone who did read it could relate. Maybe they would find it nice to know that they aren't the only ones going through something or having those same thoughts and ideas. Mostly, I just wanted a place to write my little heart out about whatever was going on in my life. 

But I keep this blog as a way to connect, as a way to share my heart, and as a sort of virtual scrapbook of memories. When I go back and read over the posts of the last few years, I can see how my interests and my voice have changed, where God has worked and guided me. It's a reminder of His blessings. But I don't just want this blog to be about me. Yes, I want to continue to write about my life, my faith, and my impending journey through motherhood, but I want it to be more. I want it to be a community. I want to inspire and be inspired. I want it to be a place to share together. Not a one-sided conversation. Life, faith, motherhood- these things are amazing and blessed and a gift, but they can also be hard. How precious is it to share and gain strength and encouragement from one another? The glorious thing about blogging online is that we can connect with people from all over the world, from all walks of life. My hope is for this space to be a place where we can learn from, support, and encourage each other. Whether we feel like we’re breezing right through life without a care in the world or we feel like we are struggling to simply take our next breath. We are all just trying to find our place through the changes in this journey of life. God is always there to guide us through but He's also provided us for each other.

So yes, as I am trying to find my place here in this virtual space, I have changed the name again. But this time, it'll stick. =) I know most of you read from the mobile version so you don't even see how the design on the blog has changed, but those of you on the web version will notice my tabs have moved to the left side under my picture. I've updated those as well so check them out. I'm including the links here in the blog for those of you on mobile. Just click the links below.

ABOUT ME      ABOUT MY FAITH      MY BLOG ROLL      LETTERS TO THEA

Also, remember, if you have me on your blog reading list, you will need to change my URL to "tiffanycaram.blogspot.com" to get the updates. 

As always, thank you guys who take the time to read. Let's continue our journeys together.

"HIGH-RISK"

Saturday was a scary, emotional, tear-filled day. 

It started when I got ready to go out for the day with my husband. I wanted to wear a pair of shorts but none of them fit me since my bump decided to appear out of no where a couple weeks ago and has not stopped growing since. 

The left is the first day my bump made it's appearance and then today. Seriously.. this is just 10 days difference?! That seems crazy. Is this normal???

I figured it was time to pull out one of my belly bands for the first time. It then preceded to take me about an hour to figure out how to wear, with help from my poor husband and a ton of frustration from me which led to tears from me. Then I just began crying more cause I felt stupid for crying over something so stupid. Hormones I tell ya. Come to find out I had been using the belly band upside down which is why it wouldn't work right. But finally I was dressed and ready to go and all calmed down.

Then the scary and even more emotional part of our day began. **The next part might be a little TMI but a lot of you know that I ended up admitted into the hospital Saturday night and people have been asking about what happened and if we are okay so I figured a blog post was the best way to update everyone about it.** As we were in the Apple store taking care of Chris's phone, I began suddenly bleeding pretty heavily. I texted my Mom and sisters who told me to head to the hospital immediately. And the tears began flowing again for the second time that day. This time for very scary, real reasons. 

I was so scared and just began praying to God for them to tell me it was all nothing and send me home. My mind began going back to this past Wednesday in my LifeGroup. We are doing the Explicit Gospel study and in the video we watched this past week, Matt Chandler goes to say how God doesn't owe us anything. When his son was young he had a severe seizure one night and on the way to the emergency room he was praying to God, realizing that God didn't OWE him the life of his son and that God either strengthen him through this experience or through his loss. Wow. I began pleading with God, telling Him I was not strong enough for the loss part. To please please not strengthen me in that way.

When I arrived at the hospital, it wasn't as simple as I had hoped. I ended up being dilated to a 1 and they began asking me if my water had broke and if I was having any contraction like pains (I wasn't feeling pain at all), concerned I was trying to go into early labor. At 17 weeks, obviously this would be way too soon. My fear spiked. I was admitted into the hospital for the first time in my life as they contacted the doctor to do an ultrasound. My family and best friend arrived and I felt strengthened. I knew I had them praying for me too. 

Praise God that the ultrasound found that although the outside of my cervix was dilated, the top was completely closed and whatever was going on, Baby C was not being affected. Baby was completely fine. Chris and I got to see our sweet baby moving around on the screen and see the heart and brain and just how much Baby has grown (I haven't had a sonogram since Week 10 and man what a difference!). I can never explain how reassuring it is to see or hear my baby every single time I get the chance to.

The ultrasound did show that what was causing the bleeding was that my placenta is laying lower than it should be. It is covering the very edge of my cervix instead of being completely raised away from it. The rubbing can cause the vessels in the top of the cervix to rupture hence the bleeding. The risk is that the placenta itself tear. So I was put on bedrest and pelvic rest for 48 hours until I could have a follow up with my doctor today.

I was hoping for the all clear to go back to work tomorrow since this is a crazy week to be missing (I'm the Director of the Elementary Musical which is this Friday, meaning rehearsals every day this week) but unfortunately my bedrest and pelvic rest is extended another week until another follow up next week. Basically as of now I am considered "high-risk" and it will be on a week by week basis if I am taken off bedrest. 95% of the time the placenta eventually moves up as the pregnancy progresses, it's just a matter of when. From what I understand, once the placenta has moved I will no longer be at high risk. So here's to praying that placenta gets moving this week.

Ultimately, as much as bedrest and especially pelvic rest sucks, Baby is ok and that is the most important thing to me. I know this was long so thank you for caring to read. Thank you everyone so much for your prayers over this weekend. Chris and I (and Baby C) appreciate it. It's so hard to remain strong and have faith when things are so scary but I couldn't imagine how much scarier things would have been without faith at all.